When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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