so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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