i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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