What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
