Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
