Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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