spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
