still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
