I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
