Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
