So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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