I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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