Need sex. Gaining weight.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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