im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
