Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
