You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
