no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
