Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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