A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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