i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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