Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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