this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize