Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
