You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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