But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
