the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
