There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
