i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
