i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
