I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
