What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You may now shotgun with the bride
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
