If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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