wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
