I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
