your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
