'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize