Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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