I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
