just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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