Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
