He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
