I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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