the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
