I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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