it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
from now on my penis is your penis
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
