i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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