We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
