things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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