got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
