This girl is more easily done than said...
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Need sex. Gaining weight.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
