brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
