you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
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oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
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He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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