I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
