Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
two words: eviction party
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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