You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
