I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Randomize
