Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I don't think brook has ever known best
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
