i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
