Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
