I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
