I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
