my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
