I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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