lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
