he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
tequila makes me forget i have legs
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Randomize
