i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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