names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
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To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
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