Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
