Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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