You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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