Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
