my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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